Crash

Inspired by the song Crash by SoMo.

They stared at each other from across the kitchen counter. Nicki had prepared a romantic dinner setting to make up for a weeks worth of arguing, but was met with Safaree who had prepared his exit speech. They'd argued for over an hour before Nicki finally broke down and told him to leave. He was now staring at her trying to figure out if he even knew her well enough to fight for her anymore. His answer was no. 

"So?" She asked.

"I'm out." 

Never had she imagined two small words causing her so much pain. She felt a tightness in her chest that would only go away if she screamed out after him. She was at a loss for words. He had threatened to leave before but she knew that this time was serious. He wasn't coming back. He said so himself. 

She poured herself a glass of wine and chugged it down in seconds. Tears fell and her hand shook as she tried to pour a second glass. When she spilled it all over the counter, she threw the bootle across the room. She pulled at her hair in frustration and let out a painful scream that lead to her sobbing. She tried to keep her balance on the counter as she leaned over it crying but ended up sliding to the ground. Just when she thought she couldn't feel any worse as she replayed his painfully true words over in her head, she began reminiscing on moments she would never have again.

"I love you so much, Safaree."

"Ditto." He said cooly before she punched him in his chest. "Ah! I love you too, man."

She smiled as she got comfortable in his arms and the pool chair again. It was their first night in their first new home and they were sat by the pool watching the sunset. 

"This is so beautiful. So peaceful."

"Yeah, it's nice when things calm down for a bit and we can just chill."

"When are things ever calm?" She laughed. 

"In these little moments." He nodded as he took in his surroundings. "As long as I have these little moments... I'm good." 

"Thank you." She looked into his face.

"For?"

"Always trying to understand me. For rocking with me. You'll always come first, Safaree. I promise." 

He has no idea where those things were coming from, but before he could say anything she kissed him with more passion than she ever had. That night they made love like never before. They promised little things to each other that would have the potential to turn into bigger things. Little things that she would forget, and he could never forgive. 

"Safaree." She sniffled as she tried to find the right words to leave on her third drunken voicemail. She wiped her tears before her eyes fell on her engagement ring. "I get it. You feel like I put my career before you but..." She sniffled as the tears continued to fall. She realized in that moment how many times she must've tried to justify not making him a priority. "I know you're sick of my excuses... I am reckless. I know. I'm sorry... And I'm drunk and I need you." Her voice began to crack, and she hung up before her cries became audible again.

Not too far away, he sat in a hotel replaying her voicemails. She was a mess. He was sick of playing the "who can hurt who the worst" game. In all reality, he wasn't trying to hurt her. What he wanted was to save himself from hurting the most when they finally crashed. Somewhere they had lost control and he was unable to keep her from straying to far out of their lane. He had gotten so accustomed to saving face to protect her when it felt like she cared less and less about him as her fame grew and her priorities changed. 

"So, when's the wedding, love birds?" Nicki's mother asked.

"I don't know." Nicki said as she picked up the plates. "I think we're just gonna wait. We have a lot going on." 

When she disappeared into the kitchen, Safaree followed behind her. He leaned against the counter as he watched her scrap the food off of the plates. When she didn't acknowledge his presence he decided to speak up. 

"Yo, what was that?" 

"What?" She asked as he pulled her away from her thoughts. She'd thought that bringing her family out for the holidays would be fun, and it was, but she found herself feeling guilty for still thinking about work.

"About us getting married? We never discussed that."

"Safaree, do you really feel like right now is the time to get married?" He shook his head at her failing to realize that what he was really upset about was her making life decisions for the both of them. "Babe, right now isn't even the time for this conversation."

He followed her eyes to where her niece was walking in. She was right. This wasn't the time for this conversation, but it never was. Because he wanted to keep her happy, he dropped it. 

"Alright." 

He felt as if he were going through some sort of withdrawal. His chest was tight, but everytime she called his heart pounded. He opened the mini fridge and pulled out a mini bottle of vodka and took a shot of it. He looked at the tv to see a commercial for MYX. He couldn't escape her. He knew that she was no longer good for him, but her love was a drug. 

When his phone stopped ringing he didn't know what to feel. He let fifteen minutes pass before calling her. She answered on the first ring but didn't say anything. 

"Nicki." She didn't respond. "I'm on my way." 

They stayed on the phone in silence as he rushed to be by her side again. 

"I'm pulling up." He said. 

As he pulled into the driveway he noticed her waiting. He turned off the car and got out. He approached her and looked into her puffy face. She wrapped her arms around him and began crying and apologizing. He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom. 

"Shhh." He said as he laid down and pulled her on top of him. 

She calmed herself as she tightly gripped his shirt. Between the alcohol and having cried for three hours straight, Nicki wasn't able to keep her eyes open for long. As her watch her fall asleep, he thanked God for the little things and prayed that he could keep them from straying away from one another.