Mine

Nicki watched the palm trees one by one as her car past them. Her palms were moist and her stomach was in knots. Her three day escape from reality was simply not enough. Even though she was more confused than ever, she now knew what she wanted. As he said he would be, Safaree was sat in the driveway awaiting their arrival. They didn't speak as he opened her door and she got out. Nicki grabbed her bags and tipped the driver while Safaree grabbed the car seat.

"Um..." She said nervously as she closed the front door. "I'm going to take a shower and then we can talk. Okay?"

"Yeah." He said lowly with a nod. 

"Do you want me to lay him down?" She asked.

"Nah, I haven't seen him in three days. I got him." He didn't make eye contact with her as he picked up his son before walking away. 

She knew that he was mad at her for leaving but she had a point to prove. He was always leaving whenever they argued. He needed to know that he could leave and possibly come home to nothing. Her point went unproven when he began hinting towards a seperation. Something that neither of them truly wanted. 

She took her time in the shower trying to calm herself and gather her thoughts. She was willing to enter this battle in her most vulnerable state and her pride set aside, but only if he did the same. Tonight felt like it would be the first night of the rest of their lives. After tonight, they would be spending them either together or apart. 

She found him in the living room alone. She figured that he must've put the baby down. She was glad that he did so. If things were to get heated, she didn't want her son anywhere around. She took a seat on the couch and grabbed a pillow. She hugged it tight to release some tension.

"What do you want, Nicki?" He jumped right into the long overdue conversation.

"I want the same things that you want." She stared at him until he made eye contact. "I want us to stop arguing everyday. I want to pick a date for the wedding and be married. I want to raise Carter together. I just... I don't know, Safaree."

"I'm not sure if I want those things." He shrugged and shook his head.

"What do you mean?" She asked annoyed. 

"I mean exactly what I said." He matched her attitude.

"So, you're not sure if the woman you've been with for thirteen years, and the mother of your child, deserves your hand in marriage? Is that what you're saying?"

"You always so quick to talk about how long we been together like it means something to you."

"It does mean something to me." She said defensively. "The question is, does it mean something to you?" 

"It means something to you but you make no time for me?"

"We still on this?" She threw her hands up and rolled her eyes. "Because I won't toss my son aside to fuck you, Safaree-"

"It's not about fucking. It's not about sex."

"Really? Because every since that night-"

"Nah, nah..." He shook his head. "Just because that's when I brought the topic to your attention that doesn't mean that's the only time I was feeling like that."

"Well, what do you want besides sex?" She said sarcastically. 

"You act like just because we have a kid that we can't go anywhere or do anything."

"I'm sorry that I don't want to abandon my son." She said annoyed. "We're parents now, Safaree. We can't just up and leave for days at a time." 

"Why not? Why can't every now and then we go away... just us? Huh? Why can't we go out to eat or something?"

"I just don't want to put him off on anyone."

"It would be his Grandparents."

"Whatever." She laid the pillow on her lap before before resting her elbow on it and her chin on her fist. Her lips were in a pout. 

"And now she shuts down." He threw him hands up and let them slap his thighs.

"I'm not shutting down." She said dryly.

"Then what are you doing?"

"Oh, just waiting for you to tell me how much I'm not good enough." She smiled. "Go on. What else don't you like about me?" 

"This! How you always wanna play the victim... You work too much. The nanny has Carter more than you, and-"

"Hold the fuck up." She snapped. "I always have my son! ALWAYS."

"Last time I came to the studio the nanny had him. Walked in on the interview, he's in the nanny's arms."

"I'm at fucking work! Am I supposed to take him in the booth? Pull my titty out in front of a journalist to feed him?" She asked. "What's your issues with me. Your real issues."

"That is one of my real issues." He said. "I just wish you were more hands on-"

"Ok." She cut him off and stood. "I'm not having this conversation with you." She said as she began walking away.

"Nicki-"

"No!" She stopped and looked at him. "Because that's not your issue. You wanna nit pick about bullshit and you're being disrespectful."

"How is that disrespectful?"

"Really? You need that answered?" Before he could reply Carter cried out. She headed towards the stairs and he followed.

"Nicki."

"Leave me the fuck alone, Safaree! You seem to want this shit to be over so fuck it!" She yelled as she stormed up the stairs. 

"You always got a fucking attitude, yo! Always blowing shit out of proportion." He stopped following her once she stopped and looked at him. 

"Leave me alone, Safaree." He heard her plea loud and clear when he noticed her wet cheeks. When she realized that she was crying she turned and discretely wiped her face as she followed her sons cries. 

He sighed as he sat on the marble staircase. She was right about him nit picking about bullshit. He felt like shit for downing her as a mother. She was doing the best she could to balance her career and her family. When he finally got enough courage to tuck his tail and apologize he made his way to Carter's room. 

He stopped outside the door and observed the scene before him. Nicki was in her rocking chair nursing their son. As she rocked back and forth, and tears streamed down her face, she apologized over and over to Carter for failing him. That was enough to break him down to absolutely nothing. 

He pushed the cracked door open slowly. She stared at him blankly and he stared back. Neither knew what to say. She was two steps from being pushed too far. He was almost too far gone to know his way back home. She broke eye contact and turned her attention to her son who was done feeding. 

"Are you done?" She cooed. He let out a loud burp on his own before smiling a dimpled smile. She looked into his chubby, round face and everything in her world was in a perfect alignment. 

"Nicki." His voice sent a wave of uncertainty and anger over her body. She watched as he walked towards them and kneeled. "Look-"

"Safaree, not now." She said annoyed.

"Then when?" He asked. "My biggest fear is losing what I know is mine. So, no... I don't know how to adjust to all these changes. Yes, I do feel neglected by you. I can't stop feeling like that. You are a great fucking mother. If I felt otherwise I wouldn't have planted the seed." He laughed but her face remained stone. 

"Nicki." He said as he searched her eyes for a response. 

"So, you can just make me feel like shit and walk out on us whenever you want and-"

"No, baby..." He grabbed her hand. "I fucking promise you that I'm not doing that shit no more."

"You're just gonna find another way to try to hurt me." She said nonchalantly, as she rubbed her hand over Carter's midnight curls. 

"So, what? You just gone give up?" She didn't respond. "Is that what you want, Nicki?" 

The weight of the question hit her like a ton of bricks. She thought that she wanted a life with him, but looking at her son she knew that he deserved better than what they were offering him emotionally. Safaree took her silence as her bowing out. He stood to his feet and kissed her and Carter on their foreheads before exiting. 

She sighed heavily as she watched him walk out once again. She placed kisses all over Carter's face before placing him in his bed. She slowly made her way to their room. When she entered he had his back towards her as he stood at the foot of the bed with a suitcase. She approached him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. She rested her head on his back and took his scent in.

"You promised, Safaree."