Eye of the Beholder

My stomach turned as I felt my self sweating from head to toe. I must've looked terrified as the lady with freckles smiled kindly and told me to sit at the kitchen table. I ignored her light laugh at my anxiousness. It's not everyday that you're sitting in Nicki Minaj's house waiting to be interviewed by her. I mean, I'm no Barbie, or whatever she calls her fans, but it's Nicki-fucking-Minaj. I had been through two interviews just to make it to her presence. With rent due three days ago and no more time to waste, I could not fuck this up. 

"Hi." I heard a perky voice from behind me. I closed my eyes and exhaled quickly. I stood and turned to her with a smile. 

"Hello. I'm-"

"Mia?" She smiled. Her teeth were perfect. I saw very few imperfections in her beauty while her face was clean of make up. With her hair pulled straight back into a ponytail she still looked beautiful. 

"Um, no... It's-"

"Michelle?"

"No!" Her freckled friend laughed. "It's that one bad actress' name." She snapped her fingers trying to remember.

"Bad as in bad acting or sexy, bad?" Nicki asked.

"Sexy." She answered as she went back to texting.

"Hmmm." She frowned as she looked me over. "What movie, Sherika?"

"That stupid movie Safaree was watching with the teddy bear."

"Oh, gee... You're a lot of help." She rolled her eyes. 

"Mila Kunis."

"Huh?" Nicki said as they both looked at me as if they just remembered that I was in the room. 

"That's her name. The actress. It's Mila Kunis."

"That's your name?"

"Mila? Yes."

"Mmmm." She bit her lip. "Cute. 

"Thanks." She put her water and phone in one hand and extended the other to me and we shook.

"Nicki. This is Sherika." Her eyes cut to the sliding door that came open. She rolled her eyes. "That's Safaree."

"What's up?" He nodded to no one in particular and didn't stick around for a response. It was clear by Nicki's changed body language that she was pissed at her boyfriend about something and he didn't care. Well, I didn't know for sure that they were together but every pic I see of her, he's right there. 

"You're an actress or something?" She asked with less enthusiasm. 

"No."

"Why are you in Cali?"

"I always wanted to live here. I've lived in Ohio my whole life. I needed some sun."

"Cool." She nodded. I could tell that it was a half ass listening nod. "You signed the confidentiality agreement?"

"Yes."  

"Where do you live?"

"Not too far from here." I lied. It took me damn near an hour and a half to get here from my crappy motel.

"Good." She sighed. "I might need you in the middle of the night for something." 

I wanted to ask, "something like what?" It wasn't ideal to be running around LA at 4am for cheesecake like I was working for Diddy. I also love my sleep. I didn't object though. Couldn't piss the boss off on day one. 

"Okay." I simply said.

"Ummm." She looked like she was thinking and then she turned to her friend. "Oh! Where's the phone?"

"Ask Safaree. He had it."

"Show her around, please?" 

"Sure." 

It seemed like we walked for miles. Sherika ran through where I could and could not go, what I could and could not touch. All while taking the tour I kept thinking about how stupid it was for one person to have such a big house to themself. If I had the money, a small condo would do. Then I thought about how my account was in the negative and I had no room to hate. 

Sherika lead me upstairs to show me where different bedrooms were in the event that Nicki told me to go to hers or something. It was quiet until we heard Nicki's giggles. Sherika ignored it as she showed me the third guest bathroom that Nicki used instead of the master. I guess if I had five bathrooms I would put them all to use, too. I was intrigued by the playful giggles though and listened harder. It got quiet again for a second and then Nicki and a male, I assumed to be Safaree, laughed loudly.

"So, you think you know where everything is?" Sherika asked.

"Yeah, I think so." I smiled. "So, I got the job or-"

"For now." She said.

"Hey." Nicki closed the door behind her smiling. She waved the phone. "Found it." 

I hoped it wasn't in her mans pants. She handed me the phone and I tried to ignore her erect nipples. I wanted to say, "You ain't low." But I remembered my place. I cleared my throat.

"Thanks."

"Can you be here at 11?"

"Tomorrow? Sure."

"No, tonight." She said.

"Of course." 

"Okay." She said. "Sherika, can you give her that list and some cash. I need you to pick up a few things."

"Okay." And with that she disappeared back into the bedroom. 

When I got back to my car and looked at the list then my tank I prayed that I could get all this done without breaking down, both mentally and my car. She had ten different items, and four different places for me to go. What the hell did I just sign up for? 

Okay. I really need you guy's opinions. Yay or nay? I wanted to try writing an OF story from a different perspective. If I continue it'll be more OF, of course. Still working on Baby Boy but I've had this idea for a while, so yeah... 

Baby Boy - 3

"You ready for this ratchet fest?" Sherika asked Nicki. 

"As ready as I'm gonna be." She replied as she took Sade out of her car seat and placed her on her feet. She kneeled to her daughter's level and looked her over. She wasn't in the mood to hear any comments on her daughter's appearance that weren't positive. 

"You ready, Mami?" Nicki asked Sade. 

"Yes!" She smiled and Nicki smiled back.

Once they entered the house Sade took off running. Nicki knew very well who she was looking for. Once she spotted Sahara she tackled her sister and they both fell onto the floor laughing. A series of 'aw's' filled the room. 

"Smoochie!" Nicki watched as Sade's face lit up at the sound of her father's voice. She hadn't seen him in three days. Nicki knew it was wrong keeping them from each other, but seeing Safaree after all the things she was hearing about he and Misha in the street was not what she wanted to deal with. 

"Hey." He kissed Nicki's cheek. Nicki's eyes cut to the direction of the loud huff and giggled that she heard. Sure enough it was Misha's people; one of whom sported a permanent scar across her forehead from when Candi hit her with a glass bottle. 

"Y'all sure this where it's at?" Nicki looked through her Chanel sunglasses for the party. At seven months pregnant she had no business confronting her boyfriend and his supposed other babymother but he wasn't telling the truth and she needed to find it.

"Yeah, look..." Candi pointed across the park to where two girls were carrying pink balloons. 

"It's a girl, too?" Nicki asked hurt. 

"Nic, let's go." Sherika suggested.

"Nah." She grew angry as she saw him help the pregnant woman out of the car. He was treating her with the same attention that he gave Nicki. He even kissed her forehead before letting her out. She didn't feel herself get out of her car and slam her door, or hear her friend's call after her. 

"Yo!" Was all he could muster as she began swinging on him. 

"I ask you-"

"Who the fuck are you?" The other woman asked.

"Misha..." Safaree said with caution.

"Oh, bitch you know who I am!" Nicki stepped to her. Nicki protectively rested her hand on her stomach that was growing tight.

"Oh, bitch you might wanna get out her face." Misha's cousin stepped in front of her. Candi didn't miss a beat as she jumped in front of Nicki holding her Mistic. 

"Nicki, lemme talk to you." Safaree said. When she turned to look at him she felt a push on her shoulder then Sherika snatching her arm. The next thing she saw was Candi standing over the woman screaming obscenities as the woman held her bleeding head. 

"Yeah, I'm going to enroll her in that daycare you recommended." Nicki said to Safaree's cousin Tia. 

"Now, bitch..." She said lowly. "You know that's not what I meant by what's been going on."

Nicki laughed, "I guess we're just gonna try to co parent or whatever." 

"Mandy he's gonna settle for the basic bitch with 50 kids, no job, raggedy ass car, bald headed, living in the projects with her 50 kids..."

"Tia!" Nicki laughed. "That's what he wants though, so..." She shrugged with a smile. 

"You still my cousin. Fuck what these niggas got to say." She said in reference to the rest of Safaree's family who didn't like Nicki. Most of his family didn't like her because whenever they would fall out Safaree would bad mouth Nicki without revealing his own wrong doings. 

"Ms. Nicki." Misha's oldest daughter Princess said with her hand on her hip and her other hand holding Sahara's.

"Yes?"

"You seen my mama?"

"Nah, what's up?"

"She need her diaper changed and I ain't doing it." She rolled her eyes. "Grandma said she ain't taking care of no kids either."

 Nicki knew that she was talking about Safaree's mother who refused to take care of Sahara while Misha was around because she always took advantage. Nicki looked around the room for Misha but didn't spot her. She huffed and rolled her eyes. 

"I got it." She grabbed Sahara's hand. "Come on baby. Excuse me, Tia." 

Princess followed behind Nicki to Sade and Sahara's room. Princess asked a hundred questions as Nicki searched the room for diapers and wipes. She was far too grown to be seven years old but Nicki knew that it wasn't necessarily her fault. Princess was basically raising herself and her siblings. She earned her attitude. 

"My mama said you wasn't coming today." Princess said. 

"Well, I'm here." Nicki smiled through her irritation as she removed Sahara's diaper. Her mouth opened in shocked before she rolled her eyes and huffed at the worst case of diaper rash that she'd ever seen. 

"Do me a favor, Lil Mama. Go get Safaree." 

"Okay." Princess popped her lips as she walked out. 

"You okay, baby girl?" Nicki asked Sahara.

"Nooooo." She laughed.

"No?" Nicki laughed as she began tickling her. 

"Yo, what's up?" He peeked in. 

"Come in, and close the door." She said. 

"What's up?" He asked as he approached the changing table. 

"You seen this shit?" Nicki pointed to her red bottom. 

"What the fuck is that shit?"

"Diaper rash."

"Nah, it don't suppose to look like that."

"If niggas ain't changing her like they should-"

"Safaree!" They both turned to Misha. Nicki rolled her eyes. 

"Handle it." Nicki said with an attitude before bumping pass Misha to walk out. 

The only person Nicki wanted to see at the moment was Sade. She simply wanted to hold and kiss her so that she knew she was loved. It made her sick to think of and witness the neglect of a child. She found Sade on the back porch with her grandmother and great aunts eating a Popsicle. 

"Look at her." Nicki laughed.

"Spoiled as she wanna be." Safaree's aunt commented.

"That's my baby. She can have whatever she want." Safaree's mom bounced Sade. 

"Where ya people, Nic?" Safaree's other aunt asked.

"Nicki ain't invite them." Safaree's mother said. "Thank God cause my heart can't take no more drama. That boy already got these damn fools running through my house. If I-"

"Ma!" Safaree's sister called. "They fighting again."

Everyone knew exactly who "they" were. Safaree and Misha. Nicki was the first back into the house because she knew that Safaree's mother's heart really couldn't take it and she was the only one besides his mother who could calm him. She pushed pass everyone standing around the door as she heard Tia and Sherika getting the kids out of the house. All she heard was yelling, thumping, and Sahara screaming. 

"Safaree!" Nicki banged hard. "Safaree!" 

He opened the door breathing heavily. He had scratches on his neck and face. He avoided eye contact with her out of embarrassment as he walked out. Misha walked out calmly fixing her hair. Sahara was left screaming by herself. Nicki walked into the room and slammed the door. She picked up Sahara and rocked her gently. 

"Yes?" Nicki said to the knock on the door. 

"Someone want to see their sister." Safaree's mother said as Sade ran to where they where Nicki was sitting with Sahara. 

"Mommy?" Sade said.

"Yes?"

"Sissy?" She pointed to Sahara. 

"She's sleep." Just as Nicki said that Sahara's eyes fluttered open.

"Hi, baby!" Sade said through a laugh and Sahara laughed. Sahara pushed Nicki's hands away so that she could get to her sister. 

"They're cute." Safaree's mom said.

"They really love each other." Nicki said as she watched them play. "They make all this worth it."

"Don't give up on him." Nicki furrowed her brows and looked at her crazy. "I don't know what he's being going through and why he's acting this way but if he really loses you..." She shook her head.

"It's like he's two different people. He's never put his hands on me, and we don't even argue in front of Sade."

"She brings out the worst in him." She shook her head. "And the things she allows he knows that you won't."

"Except making me look stupid." She said lowly. 

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" 

"His father was like that. He saw me cheated on, lied to..." She shrugged. "He don't know no better."

"Yes, he does." 

"Yo." He peeked his head in. "She good?" He asked as he stepped in.

"Yeah." Nicki said. 

"I'll leave y'all." Safaree's mother said. 

"My bad." He said once his mother was gone.

"Your bad?" Nicki asked. "Is that supposed to be an apology? If so, I'm not the one who needs it."

He nodded as he went and picked Sahara up, "Daddy's sorry." He kissed all over her face and she giggled. "You forgive me?" 

"No!" She yelled.

"No!" Sade repeated.

"Word? All my girls mad at me?" He glanced at Nicki. 

"Yes!" Sade yelled.

"What?!" He began tickling both of them. 

"Whenever y'all done, come back to the party. People wanna see them." Nicki stood and headed for the door. 

"Nicki!" He got up and stood by the door. She allowed him to stroke her cheek. "I miss you."

"You can't have me like this." She shook her head.

"You deserve better."

"I know." She looked pass him to the kids who weren't paying them any attention. 

"I'm gonna make it better."

"You always say that." She sighed.

"You know Mr. Lowe?"

"From the barber shop?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "He's letting me buy in. Thirty percent to begin with."

"That's nice." She smiled. "Don't fuck it up."

"I won't." It was then that she realized that his hand was still on her cheek. She pushed his hand away and cleared her throat. "Let me make things right."

"I'm out of chances for you. As long as Sade and Sahara are good then we're good."

"I need more." He pressed his forehead to hers. 

"That's all I have." She whispered. She felt herself growing weak. 

"Nicki." He whispered.

"Safaree." When she finally looked at him he caught her lips between his. He pinned her arms above her head as they kissed passionately until a knock came at the door. 

"Yeah?" He said as he released her arms but continued to look into her eyes. 

"Aye, bruh." His cousin said. "Ya moms said get y'all asses out here and open these gifts. 

"Aite."

After they cut the cake, Nicki left before the kids' party turned into an adult party. Even though Safaree had her head spinning, she still decided to go out with Nadir that night. They'd seen each other everyday since their first date. Nicki couldn't tell if she was growing an attachment to him, or if she was dependent on him being a distraction from Safaree. Either way, she was keeping him around. She just had to figure out why. 

Baby Boy - 2

Nicki looked herself over in her full body mirror. She had on an all black skater dress with a sheer back and black heels. She had pulled her hair up into a high bun. She turned side ways and looked into the mirror before checking the time. 

"Shit." She whispered as she headed to the bathroom to apply her makeup. 

"Where y'all going?" Safaree asked as he rinsed the soap off of Sade. He agreed to watch Sade for the night at Nicki's because she didn't want her "over that bitch's house."

"I'm going out..." Her lips opened but no sound exited as she applied her eyeliner. "I'm going on a date." She stepped back and looked at her work.

He shook his head, "Come on, baby girl."

He knew better than to try to tell her not to go. The last time he had, their argument escalated to the point of the police being called. It was also the reason that he was currently without a car. 

Safaree pulled up to the house full of rage. He had overheard Nicki saying that she was going on a date when she failed to hang up the phone. He got to the door and began to bang hard. He had a key but in his state of mind he was too upset to use it. She flung open the door with an attitude already knowing who it was and why he was at the door.

"What the fuck do you want, Safaree?" 

"So, you fucking other people?" He asked as he entered and moved pass her. 

"Why does it have to be about fucking? This ain't yo' pussy any way, nigga." She rolled her eyes as she made her way to the bathroom with him following. She went to grab her make up bag and he snatched it.

"Give me my shit." 

"Yo, where the fuck is my daughter?" 

"Candi got her, damn. Give me my shit!" She demanded.

"You ain't going on no fucking date, Nicki."

"Ain't you playing house with that bitch? Go tell her what the fuck to do!" Nicki had just read on Misha's Facebook that Safaree was moving in just days earlier. That was enough for her to wipe her hands of him. 

"Give it here!" She tried to reach for the bag but he pulled it away.

"You fucking other niggas?" He asked. She chuckled and he huffed. "Nicki!"

"Yup! Sure am." She smiled mischieveously before speaking seductively. "You know better than anybody that I ride it like-" Before she could finish he pushed pass her and dumped her makeup in the toilet.

"Oh! That's it!" She stormed out and he followed behind her shortly after. She grabbed the metal bat by the front door and stormed out of the house. 

"Nicki!" 

"I'm sick of your shit!" She said as she swung it towards the window. She didn't flinch as it shattered into a million of pieces. 

"Yo!" He stepped towards her and she pointed the bat towards him. 

"You wanna be next, huh?" When he didn't reply she took two years worth of frustrations out on his car until the police arrived.

"Daddy!" She squealed and he laughed as she spoke gibberish.

Nicki rolled her eyes as she watched them leave. She kicked herself for telling him. She knew that he would blow her phone up nonstop now that he knew where she was going. After taking several pictures of herself, she grabbed her clutch and headed to the living room. Her eyes widened when she saw Safaree at the door and heard her date's voice.

"Um, I got it." She pushed him to the side. "Hi, Nadir." She smiled and he returned it. 

Nadir was Indian but he had hung around a dope boy or two. He was the perfect mix of hood and class. He owned a few businesses and carried a degree. He stood around 6'2 with a perfect white smile, tanned skin, and a low hair cut. Nicki bit her lip at the sight of him. 

"Wow. You look stunning."

She giggled and Safaree rolled his eyes, "It's not too much, is it?"

"Noooo." He looked her up and down. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, one second." She turned her attention to her daughter. "Come here, Sade." She broke away from her father and ran to her mother. Nicki kissed her. "Goodnight, baby. Be good."

"Yes!" She smiled wide and Nicki laughed.

"I love you."

"Ju Ju." Sade said. Nicki laughed understanding that the feeling was mutual. When she tried to put her down, Sade tightened her grip. "Safaree."

"I got her." He huffed. He pulled Sade away and Nicki quickly made her exit before Sade's fit caused her to feel guilt. After five minutes into the car ride her phone buzzed. 

Baby Daddy: Nice parenting

She rolled her eyes and told herself not to allow him to control her emotions. He knew exactly what to say to make her happy, sad, or pissed. 

Baby Daddy: it's gud. If my baby ain't got nobody she got me

Baby Daddy: Yo knew nigga look gay

Sade Mama: *new dumbass. 

Sade Mama: & I bet he give better head than you

"Why you so quiet?" Nadir asked.

"Oh, I don't know." She laughed. 

"Does he live there?" 

"Noooo." She shook her head. "Absolutely not. I just need to know where my daughter is at all times." 

"He's not allowed to take her to his place?" 

She laughed, "It's not that. It's just..."

"You want him around?" He laughed. 

"I hate him!" She laughed through her lie. "He has another baby and baby's mother and I don't want my daughter over there." 

He laughed as he continued to drive, "Why?"

"Well, she has five kids and she doesn't really take good care of them. She has cases open with the state and I dont wanna be caught up in that or expose my kid to that."

"That's understandable." 

"What about you?" 

"No kids. I am divorced though."

"What?!" Nicki laughed.

"Yeah. She still lives with me."

"Get out!" Nicki said dramatically.

"No, I'm joking!" They both laughed. 

"What happened to her though?"

"She wanted a traditional Indian marriage and I wasn't feeling that. I let her go instead of us both being trapped, ya know?" Nicki melted at his thick New York accent that didn't seem to fit him but sounded perfect coming from him. 

"Can you do an Indian accent?"

"Nah, son." He laughed as he found a parking spot.

"Why not?" She laughed.

"That's a third date treat."

"Oh, word?" She smiled.

"Word." 

Half way through the date Nicki found herself mesmerized by Nadir. Not only could he hold a conversation, but he also knew how to make her laugh. Every once and a while her mind would wonder to Sade and Safaree, then he would text her with something stupid. If it wasn't for the fact that her child was in the care of someone else, she would've turned off her phone. She glanced at it after it buzzed twice.

Baby Daddy: on some real shit you need to come home

Baby Daddy: Baby girl sick and idk wut 2 do

"Shit." Nicki sighed. 

"Is something wrong?" Nadir asked. 

"Um, I really don't want you to think I'm trying to stand you up, but my daughter-"

"Say no more." He smiled and winked before calling their waitress over. After getting the check and heading to the car, Nicki found herself apologizing for the third time. 

"It's okay." He laughed as he opened her door. 

"Thank you." She smiled. Once he closed her door a FaceTime call came through on her phone from Safaree. She answered it just as Nadir slid in.

"Hello?" Nicki said to the blackness. Sade appeared with a wide smile, looking perfectly fine.

"Mommy!"

"Hi, baby." She smiled. "Are you okay?"

"Hey!" Sade said and Nicki laughed.

"Where's Daddy?"

"Mom-my. Dad-dy. Dad-dy." Nicki laughed.

"Aye!" She heard Safaree's voice. Sade took of running and giggling before the call dropped. 

"She sounds perfectly fine to me." Nadir said.

"Me too." Nicki smiled before leaning towards him. "Where to next?" 

Nicki arrived home around two in the morning. She walked in with heels in hand. Nadir had taken her dancing and fifteen minutes in she found her pumps too much to handle. She dropped her shoes by the door, and after retrieving her phone, she dropped her clutch as well. She felt the alcohol moving at a steady flow as she walked to her room. She stopped at the door and sighed as she remembered what she forgot. 

Nicki knew that Safaree would have placed Sade in her crib and made himself comfortable in her bed. It may have been the alcohol, but suddenly she found herself repulsed by him. She stared into her daughters crib at the only thing that he was able to get right in life. She rubbed her hand over her smoothe cheek as she admired her daughter's beauty. When Sade began to stir she stopped. Nicki prayed over her daughter before finding her way back to her room. 

After switching her fitted dress for one of his over sized tees, she found herself sitting on the side of the bed thinking. She didn't feel her face in a deep frown as she worked out the problems of her life in her head. The biggest one being Safaree. 

Her eyes closed the instant he touched her. She huffed but that didn't stop him from starting to kiss her neck. At first she began to give in, then she realized that she could never get over him if she was always under him.

"Stop." She said smally but he ignored her. "Stop!" She pushed him away.

"What? You go on one date with the nigga and-"

"I wanna get over you." She said.

"What?" He asked with an attitude. 

"I said..." She turned to face him in the dark room. "I want to get over you. I am going to get over you!"

"Yo, you trippin'." He laughed her off.

She chuckled, "That's your problem. You think I'm always going to be waiting for you to get your shit together. I won't!"

"Nicki-"

"No, Safaree. You ain't shit. I deserve the world. My daughter deserves the world."

"I don't give y'all everything y'all want? Helped yo ass get a brand new car after you fucked mine up!"

She shook her head, "Thats not what I'm talking about and you know it." 

"I don't know what the fuck you talking about!" The pitched of his voice raised with his level of confusion. 

"I'm sick of the stupid shit. I'm sick of fighting over you. The drama. I'm sick of looking stupid. My daughter... How the fuck can I teach her how to become better than me if I'm not even trying to better myself?"

"That shit don't make sense."

"Because you're ignorant." She snapped. "Go sleep on the coach." 

"What? I'm not sleeping on-"

"Go sleep on the coach, Safaree." 

"Bet." He nodded. "I can do you one better." 

He got up and turned on the light. He began dressing as he put his phone to his ear. 

"Yo, Misha! Come get me." 

"Really?" Nicki asked with an attitude. 

"Nicki's. Aite. Cool." 

Nicki layed down and ignored his presence as he continued to gather all of his things. They didn't say anything to each other. After he got all that he needed he turned off her light. The sound of her front door closing was the sound of what felt like the end. She instantly began to cry at the realization that he hadn't loved her. If he did, why would he put her through all that he had? If he loved her, another woman would've never been in the equation. Most importantly, if he loved her, he would've fought for her. 

So, it's finals week and obvi I'm STRESSED. I'm trying to avoid going out soooo I've been writing this to whined down after my study sessions. Birthday party is next. Excuse any typos. 

Baby Boy

Nicki looked out of the window to see a familiar car and rolled her eyes. She flung the front door open with an attitude and let it hit the wall before returning to her daughter. She cut her eyes at him when he cleared his throat. 

"Don't start." He warned her.

"She's not going." She stated as she picked up their daughter. 

"Son, give me my daughter."

"No, I don't want her around that bitch."

"Yo, I just want to take my kids to get pictures taken."

"With her? Fuck no."

For the past three years Safaree had bounced back and forth between Nicki and his other baby's mother, Misha. He took them both on emotional roller coasters that ended with the conceiving of two little girls, born only three weeks apart. Leaving Safaree alone was easier said than done for both of the women, but it was easy to hate each other. 

"Safaree..."

"We been through this shit."

"So, she gets to play family with you but I'm only good for a nut?"

"Here you go..."

"Here I go? You damn right. Imma stop fucking with your dumbass!"

"You say that now but you'll be on my dick tonight."

"Fuck you!"

"Hand her here."

"No." She said stubbornly. 

He tried to kiss her but she turned her head. He turned her face and pecked her lips. Although they weren't a couple, they had what Nicki liked to call a "parents with benefits" relationship. Sex, of course, only irritated their already complicated relationship but they couldn't get enough of one another.

"Don't be like that." He took note of the pout on her face. 

Realizing that she was wearing red lipstick, she puckered up her lips to him. This time she kissed him more aggressively. When he pulled away smiling she took note to her mark being left. She smiled and handed her daughter over. 

"Be good for Daddy and his whore, DayDay." Nicki poked her lip out and kissed her one year old.

"Stop fucking talking around her like that. You know she picking up on stuff."

"Whatever. Tell your bitch to stop posting pictures of my daughter on her fucking Instagram, and tell her to stop telling people they twins." 

"Come on. They sisters. If they-"

"Like I said, tell the bitch what I said before I tell her." He looked at her blankly until she began walking towards the door. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back as she giggled. "I thought so."

"You childish."

"Says the nigga living in his mama's house." 

"Well, I can't stay here."

"Keep your dick in your pants and you might could." Even if he had been faithful, Nicki knew that he would never leave his mothers side. He was attached to her nipple, and her being sick only made things worse. Nicki rolled her eyes as the sound of the car horn went off. "Run along to your number two." She shooed him and he shook his head smiling. 

"Long as you know you number one." He winked at her. 

She tried to refrain from smiling but she couldn't. After closing the door behind them, she went and plopped on the coach. She lifted her bottom to retrieve Sade's toy that she had sat on. She tossed the toy then grabbed her phone. She opened her Instagram app and rolled her eyes at the first picture she saw. Misha had uploaded a picture of Safaree strapping Sade in and her daughter Sahara looking at them.

"Bitch wastes no to time." She shook her head. She began to continue scroll until one of the hashtags caught her attention. She felt herself growing pissed as she read each shady hashtags. "#LovingMYfamily" followed by "#weallwegot" were the ones that really pissed her off. Misha was constantly claiming Sade as hers, and portraying things as if Nicki never had her child or took care of her. She tossed her phone and headed outside where she could still hear Misha's loud ass car. 

"Shit." Safaree said as he closed the back door and saw Nicki headed their way. "Nicki."

"I just want to talk to her." She went in the opposite direction of him and they met at the drivers door. Misha acted as if she didn't see Nicki when she knocked on the window. 

"Yo, what the fuck." Safaree said. 

"I know you see me, ho!"

"Nicki!" He twirled her body around so that she was now standing next to the back car door and looking into his face.

"I told you to tell this bitch-"

"Tell me what?" Safaree huffed as he heard Misha's voice. 

"Keep fucking playing with me." Nicki warned. "Stop with the slick shit! Keep my baby off your shit, and stop fucking telling people she's yours."

"She might as well be." Misha spat. "Once me and Safaree get married-" Nicki's loud laugh interrupted her.

"Is that what he told you? If this ya nigga tell him to keep his fucking lips off mine."

"Bitch!" Misha tried to reach around Safaree to hit Nicki. When he turned to face her she saw red. Literally, she saw Nicki's red lipstick. 

Nicki walked around the car and got her daughter out while Safaree blocked Misha's hits. Both of the girls were now crying. Nicki handed Sahara her Disney princess cup, before kissing her too and leaving lipstick on her cheek. Partly she did it to be messy, but she did have love for Sahara regardless of any other BS. She was Safaree's daughter, and Sade's sister, which meant she was family. She picked up her daughter. 

"Get off my property!" Nicki yelled behind her as she carried her now calm child into the house. She placed her in her play pin. As she walked back to the front door, Safaree was walking in and Misha was speeding off. She rolled her eyes and turned on her heels. 

"The fuck was that?" He followed her into the kitchen.

"I warned you and I warned that bitch. Stop fucking using my child as a prop for your dysfunctional ass life!" She said as she washed her hands.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

She pushed pass him and opened the freezer, "You marrying that bitch?"

"No." He watched her pull out two Popsicles then followed her to the living room. "Nicki."

"I'm over this." She handed Sade one of the Popsicles. Sade plopped down onto her butt and instantly began devouring it. 

"Over what?" He looked at her and could tell that something heavy was weighing on her. She grabbed the remote and flicked through the channels as she licked her Popsicle. He snatched the remote. "What?"

"You plant the same shit in her head that you do mine. I really thought that when we talked about a future and being married that it meant-"

"It does mean something."

"I don't mean shit to you." She snatched the remote back.

"Baby..." He stroked her cheek and she slapped his hand with the back of the remote.

"You fucking her too?" She asked with her eyes on the television already knowing how he was going to respond.

"No." He said simply to which she smacked her lips. "I let her give me top but that's it. I swear!" He put his hands in the air.

"Why does that sound familiar?" When she and Safaree had been in a relationship, he had said the same thing. Seven months later she found out about his second baby's mother.

"I'm serious. I want to work on us." 

"But y'all a family?"

"I mean, we are. We have a kid."

"If y'all wasn't fucking, why she in her feelings?"

"The same reason you always in your feelings whether I fuck you or not."

"What the fuck ever, son. I'm so sick of-" she looked at him to see him gazing at her, he licked his lips seductively. "Don't start."

"Start what?" He asked mischievously. 

"Safaree, I'm serious." She whined as he pulled her legs so that she was laying on her back. He laid on top of her and pinned one of her arms above her head. 

"Gimme some." He nodded towards the Popsicle and she put it towards his mouth. He took a bite and she smacked her lips and rolled her eyes.

"You hate me?" She asked.

"What?" He laughed. "No."

"I hate you." She said seriously. He didn't respond, only stared into her eyes. She squirmed under him. "Move." 

"No." He said. 

"Safaree, you're about to piss me off in like 2 seconds."

"Mommy." Sade said.

"Get up, Safaree. For real."

"I want to do a joint party for the girls' birthdays."

"No." She shook her head. "Hell to the fuck no."

"Come on." He kissed he lips.

"I don't fuck with shorty or her people."

"If you act right then she will." He kissed along her jawline.

"No."

"I want everyone together." He began kissing her neck. "I'll have everyone in check. Even my bitch." He kissed her lips and she kissed him back. He knew that calling Misha a bitch would sway her. 

"Okay." She said smally and bit her lip. "One condition." She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer.

"What?" He smiled.

"Child support increases by three hundred a month."

"Hell no!" He tried to get up but she held him tightly. 

"Safaree, it's not even like we're going through the courts. Do you wanna do that? You wanna go to court and have them asking how you get your money?"

"You always on that bullshit."

"Your daughter needs to be in daycare."

"What's wrong with Ms. April watching her?"

"She ain't learning shit and she needs to be around other kids. I'm only asking you to pay half." She could see that he was thinking about it. She placed her now free hand on his cheek and kissed him before pouting. "Don't you want the best for her, baby?"

The word "baby" sent him in a frenzy. She laughed on the inside at him not realizing that she was using him. He kissed her and simply nodded. 

"Eeek! Thank you." She pecked his lips twice. He nodded loving the mother that she was to their child. Moments like this made him wish that he hadn't of cheated on her. He loved Sahara, but Misha wasn't half the woman that Nicki was. He saw the sacrifices that Nicki made for Sade, and the future she wanted for her. None of these things were similar in Misha's world. Misha was content with $250 a month, a quick fuck, and a smoke session. Not the idea candidate for the mother of his child. 

"Okay, get off of me doof!" Nicki pulled him from his thoughts. "I have to cook."

"Oh, my bad." He smiled as he got up. He went and picked up Sade who was now sticky from her Popsicle. He laughed at the fact that she'd finished most of it. 

"Imma clean her up and we'll help you." He offered. 

"Okay." She smiled. As she went to walk away he grabbed her arm. He stared at her and she laughed. "What?"

"I love you." He said seriously. 

"Move." She pulled her arm but he pulled it back. She frowned and looked into his face trying to figure him out. 

"I'm serious." He said. "I love you." 

She smiled and kissed him, "Thank you."

She stroked Sade's cheek and kissed her as well. It had been almost three years since she had said it back, and meant it. In that moment, he decided to win her back over. Whatever it took, she was going to be his again.

****Before y'all ask, this will have additional parts. Thanks for reading! Thanks to those who continue to comment.****

Mine

Nicki watched the palm trees one by one as her car past them. Her palms were moist and her stomach was in knots. Her three day escape from reality was simply not enough. Even though she was more confused than ever, she now knew what she wanted. As he said he would be, Safaree was sat in the driveway awaiting their arrival. They didn't speak as he opened her door and she got out. Nicki grabbed her bags and tipped the driver while Safaree grabbed the car seat.

"Um..." She said nervously as she closed the front door. "I'm going to take a shower and then we can talk. Okay?"

"Yeah." He said lowly with a nod. 

"Do you want me to lay him down?" She asked.

"Nah, I haven't seen him in three days. I got him." He didn't make eye contact with her as he picked up his son before walking away. 

She knew that he was mad at her for leaving but she had a point to prove. He was always leaving whenever they argued. He needed to know that he could leave and possibly come home to nothing. Her point went unproven when he began hinting towards a seperation. Something that neither of them truly wanted. 

She took her time in the shower trying to calm herself and gather her thoughts. She was willing to enter this battle in her most vulnerable state and her pride set aside, but only if he did the same. Tonight felt like it would be the first night of the rest of their lives. After tonight, they would be spending them either together or apart. 

She found him in the living room alone. She figured that he must've put the baby down. She was glad that he did so. If things were to get heated, she didn't want her son anywhere around. She took a seat on the couch and grabbed a pillow. She hugged it tight to release some tension.

"What do you want, Nicki?" He jumped right into the long overdue conversation.

"I want the same things that you want." She stared at him until he made eye contact. "I want us to stop arguing everyday. I want to pick a date for the wedding and be married. I want to raise Carter together. I just... I don't know, Safaree."

"I'm not sure if I want those things." He shrugged and shook his head.

"What do you mean?" She asked annoyed. 

"I mean exactly what I said." He matched her attitude.

"So, you're not sure if the woman you've been with for thirteen years, and the mother of your child, deserves your hand in marriage? Is that what you're saying?"

"You always so quick to talk about how long we been together like it means something to you."

"It does mean something to me." She said defensively. "The question is, does it mean something to you?" 

"It means something to you but you make no time for me?"

"We still on this?" She threw her hands up and rolled her eyes. "Because I won't toss my son aside to fuck you, Safaree-"

"It's not about fucking. It's not about sex."

"Really? Because every since that night-"

"Nah, nah..." He shook his head. "Just because that's when I brought the topic to your attention that doesn't mean that's the only time I was feeling like that."

"Well, what do you want besides sex?" She said sarcastically. 

"You act like just because we have a kid that we can't go anywhere or do anything."

"I'm sorry that I don't want to abandon my son." She said annoyed. "We're parents now, Safaree. We can't just up and leave for days at a time." 

"Why not? Why can't every now and then we go away... just us? Huh? Why can't we go out to eat or something?"

"I just don't want to put him off on anyone."

"It would be his Grandparents."

"Whatever." She laid the pillow on her lap before before resting her elbow on it and her chin on her fist. Her lips were in a pout. 

"And now she shuts down." He threw him hands up and let them slap his thighs.

"I'm not shutting down." She said dryly.

"Then what are you doing?"

"Oh, just waiting for you to tell me how much I'm not good enough." She smiled. "Go on. What else don't you like about me?" 

"This! How you always wanna play the victim... You work too much. The nanny has Carter more than you, and-"

"Hold the fuck up." She snapped. "I always have my son! ALWAYS."

"Last time I came to the studio the nanny had him. Walked in on the interview, he's in the nanny's arms."

"I'm at fucking work! Am I supposed to take him in the booth? Pull my titty out in front of a journalist to feed him?" She asked. "What's your issues with me. Your real issues."

"That is one of my real issues." He said. "I just wish you were more hands on-"

"Ok." She cut him off and stood. "I'm not having this conversation with you." She said as she began walking away.

"Nicki-"

"No!" She stopped and looked at him. "Because that's not your issue. You wanna nit pick about bullshit and you're being disrespectful."

"How is that disrespectful?"

"Really? You need that answered?" Before he could reply Carter cried out. She headed towards the stairs and he followed.

"Nicki."

"Leave me the fuck alone, Safaree! You seem to want this shit to be over so fuck it!" She yelled as she stormed up the stairs. 

"You always got a fucking attitude, yo! Always blowing shit out of proportion." He stopped following her once she stopped and looked at him. 

"Leave me alone, Safaree." He heard her plea loud and clear when he noticed her wet cheeks. When she realized that she was crying she turned and discretely wiped her face as she followed her sons cries. 

He sighed as he sat on the marble staircase. She was right about him nit picking about bullshit. He felt like shit for downing her as a mother. She was doing the best she could to balance her career and her family. When he finally got enough courage to tuck his tail and apologize he made his way to Carter's room. 

He stopped outside the door and observed the scene before him. Nicki was in her rocking chair nursing their son. As she rocked back and forth, and tears streamed down her face, she apologized over and over to Carter for failing him. That was enough to break him down to absolutely nothing. 

He pushed the cracked door open slowly. She stared at him blankly and he stared back. Neither knew what to say. She was two steps from being pushed too far. He was almost too far gone to know his way back home. She broke eye contact and turned her attention to her son who was done feeding. 

"Are you done?" She cooed. He let out a loud burp on his own before smiling a dimpled smile. She looked into his chubby, round face and everything in her world was in a perfect alignment. 

"Nicki." His voice sent a wave of uncertainty and anger over her body. She watched as he walked towards them and kneeled. "Look-"

"Safaree, not now." She said annoyed.

"Then when?" He asked. "My biggest fear is losing what I know is mine. So, no... I don't know how to adjust to all these changes. Yes, I do feel neglected by you. I can't stop feeling like that. You are a great fucking mother. If I felt otherwise I wouldn't have planted the seed." He laughed but her face remained stone. 

"Nicki." He said as he searched her eyes for a response. 

"So, you can just make me feel like shit and walk out on us whenever you want and-"

"No, baby..." He grabbed her hand. "I fucking promise you that I'm not doing that shit no more."

"You're just gonna find another way to try to hurt me." She said nonchalantly, as she rubbed her hand over Carter's midnight curls. 

"So, what? You just gone give up?" She didn't respond. "Is that what you want, Nicki?" 

The weight of the question hit her like a ton of bricks. She thought that she wanted a life with him, but looking at her son she knew that he deserved better than what they were offering him emotionally. Safaree took her silence as her bowing out. He stood to his feet and kissed her and Carter on their foreheads before exiting. 

She sighed heavily as she watched him walk out once again. She placed kisses all over Carter's face before placing him in his bed. She slowly made her way to their room. When she entered he had his back towards her as he stood at the foot of the bed with a suitcase. She approached him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. She rested her head on his back and took his scent in.

"You promised, Safaree."

Sugar Baby

Nicki stirred her frozen yogart and tried to enjoy her day out with her temporary friends but she was growing irritated. Between the superficial girlfriends that she was forced to hang around and the man following her, she was over this entire day. Nina wasn't that bad because they came from the same place but Amber was a piece of work. She had made a career out of a lifestyle that Nicki was ashamed of.

"So, what does your Daddy do that you need a bodyguard, Nicki?" Amber, a perky blonde with big, fake boobs, asked.

"I don't call him that." She said nonchalantly.

"Well, what do you call him?" Nina, a Latino girl, asked.

"Um, by his name."

"And that would be?" Amber probed. Nicki rolled her eyes when she heard a deep cough.

"Just a second." She turned on her heels and walked towards her bodyguard. "Joe, back off!"

"Ah, Nicki..." He answered in his thick Italian accent.

"I'm serious. Back off!"

"Ok, ok." He threw his hands up. She turned and rejoined the girls.

"So, what does he do?" Amber asked again.

"Amber, Mami, stop being so nosey. Where I'm from, you'd be dead." Nina said.

"Is that the kind of Sugar Daddy you have?" Amber asked, still unafraid. "I've dealt with those kind. Mafia drugloads, drug mules... So exciting!" She squealed.

"I honestly don't know." She answered.

"Do you care?" Nina asked. "I mean, you should know if the door is gonna be knocked down while you're -"

"Going down!" Amber giggled and Nicki rolled her eyes. "What?"

"We don't have sex. This is a business deal. I show up on his arm to events, hang around his partners girls', and my bills are paid."

"And you don't have to give any ass up?" Nina asked.

"Nope."

"Never heard that one." Nina said.

"Are you his mustache?" Amber asked.

"Beard." Nina corrected her.

"I'm pretty sure it's mustache." Amber rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Is he gay?"

"No!" Nicki said defensively then thought about it. "I mean, I don't think so. He's propositioned it. Five thousand for a night."

"Girl." Nina bagan. "That's my allowance for a week!"

"I just dont feel right."

"Is he old? Wrinkly balls can be a turn off but they can't keep it up long. Five thousand for maybe ten minutes, what's the problem?" Amber asked.

"Amber, he's like 30." Nina said. "And fine as hell."

"Nicki, baby... Are you stupid?"

"No, I just have a little more respect for myself than to fuck for money." She could tell that she had hit a nerve in both of the women.

"Nicki-"

"No, Amber..." Nina said. "If she wants to think she is better than let her." She turned her attention to Nicki. "You think people don't know who you are? What you do? Even if you aren't fucking for money, they think you. Look in the mirror, mami. You aren't that different from us."

Nina's tone wasn't harsh. In fact, it opened Nicki's eyes. No matter what she told herself, she was no better than them. Taking money from men. Everything she was doing, she hated. The man who took care of her was a good man, she could even say that she loved him but the inner conflict that she was fighting was tearing her up.

She pulled up to her townhome irritated. His car sitting there only made it worse. She walked in and slammed the door. She found him sitting at the dining room table. She ignored the covered plate in front of him.

"I'm not hanging around those bitches anymore." She said with an attitude.

"Ok." He smiled which pissed her off.

"And I don't need a babysitter!"

"I know."

"I'm grown!"

"I understand." He pulled the top off of the plate revealing a Tiffany blue box.

"And I-" She looked at the box and then back at him. "Is that-"

"Depends."

"On?"

"Come here." She walked over to him and sat on his lap. He opened the box and pulled out a necklace. "Stop yelling at me." He placed it around her neck and kissed her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Safaree."

"You didn't enjoy yourself?"

"I did."

"But?" She avoided eye contact as she played with the necklace. "What's wrong?"

"I-" She sighed. "This has all been so fun, but... I just... Well, I'll be moving out of here soon."

"Hmmm." He nodded.

"This just doesn't feel right. Being around those girls... I can't see myself depending on men until one likes me enough to wife me. This was supposed to be temporary but it's almost been a year."

"A year?" He asked with raised eyebrows and a smile.

"Nine months, but-"

"What do you want?" 

"You can't give me what I want." She said frustrated. "You can't afford everything in life, Safaree."

"Who said?" He asked with a cool demeanor which pissed her off.

"I did!" She stood. "I want a real relationship! I want to walk into a room with my man and not hear bitches whispering about how I got there. This-" She snatched the necklace off. "This doesn't mean shit!"

"Nicki-" He grabbed her hand.

"Don't!" She snatched her hand back and folded her arms.

"You think I'm gonna let you go that easily?" He asked calmly.

"Are you threatening me?" She asked appalled. 

"What?" He asked confused.

"I don't give a fuck if you are some big time drug dealer. I'm not-"

"What?" He laughed.

"I mean-"

"Cause I'm a black man with a lot of money I'm a drug dealer?"

"No, I just-"

"That's your problem." He shook his head as he stood. It both turned her on and intimidated her to have him towering over her. "You never tried to get to know me. I throw hints all the time at you but you got your guard up so high..." He shook his head. "This bend stopped being a business arrangement for me... The moment I fell for you, but you never noticed." He shook his head again before walking past her and calling over his shoulder, "Moving trucks will be her by 2."

She turned and watched as he put his jacket on. Her heart beat only seemed to quicken as he made his exit. The slamming of the door gave the cue for her tears. She had noticed the hints but she wasn't sure at the moment if they were indeed what she thought they were.  She felt not only alone, but like an asshole. In this moment, that she thought it to be the worst feeling. 

She could barely feel her feet lifting and falling to the ground as she ran. It was almost as she glided out the door. His name exited her lips like air. The town car continued to pull out of her drive way. She eventually got close enough to bang on the window. The car came to a stop and the back window went down just enough to show his eyes.

"Get out." She said. The window rolled back up. She exhaled slowly as the door opened and he stepped out.

"Nicki-" She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her before kissing him passionately. He didn't hesitate to participate. She pulled away shyly.

"I'm sorry. I really, really like you. I might even love you but I don't know because this is the first relationship that I've had where sex wasn't involved but everytime I'm with you my head is spinning and I feel like I can fly and-"

"Shhhh." He kissed her lips lightly. " I love you too." He kissed her until she pulled away.

"Safaree?"

"Hmmm?"

"Take me inside."

Here and Now

They were both sat on opposite ends of the bed with their backs to one another. The only source of lighting was the lamp on the side table. The only sound that could be heard were her sniffles. After what felt like the millionth argument, they were finally at their breaking points. It was time to either move on or move past their issues.

His heart broke when he heard her breathing become hitched and her release a sound like she was gasping for air. It killed him knowing that he had done that to her. He took her breathe away, and not in the way in which the fairy tales had so wonderfully described. He had broke her.

She heard him sigh heavily as she tried to control her breathing. She had never felt a pain like this. She had never loved this hard. She had finally run out of words for him. She was speechless. It felt like the tighter she held onto him, the harder he pushed her away.

She finally got the courage to stand... to walk away. When he felt her get up, he stood and looked at her. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Tears continuously fell from her eyes but she couldn't look away. One way or another, he would know exactly what she was feeling. He, on the other hand, couldn't handle it. He looked away and she took this as a sign of him throwing in the towel.

She slowly walked to the closet and pulled a duffle bag from the top shelf. He didn't stop her. He sat silently on the bed, listening to her movements. Trying to forget each one of her actions as they presented themselves. She walked slowly to the bed and placed the bag onto it before turning to her dresser. She committed everything from the feeling of the plush carpet between her toes to the stinging in her eyes and the sound that the bed made every time he moved to her memory. She couldn't bare forgetting not one aspect of their relationship. Not even the final goodbye.

Before she could even pull the dresser drawer open, something caught her eye. It was a picture of them at a family get together. He had his arms wrapped around her and was whispering in her ear. Whatever he was saying she obviously found hilariously funny. She looked into the mirror and saw him standing behind her. She turned towards him and looked into his eyes. Just that one look put everything into perspective for him.

"I'm sorry." He said lowly.

"You're always-"

"I know." Silence filled the air again. She went to move past him but he stopped her. "I'm sorry, Nicki."

She didn't respond. She honestly didn't know how to. He had said sorry a million times but this one was different. It was almost like he was pleading with her to stay. She couldn't though. Not after everything they had been through. Not after everything that he had taken them through.

"I'll do anything to make us right. Don't leave."

"I can't stay here, Safaree."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

"You want to."

"Not like this." She shook her head and tears began to spill again. "I'm a good woman but all you do is try to break me down."

"Ni-"

"Let me finish." She said calmly as she wiped her tears. "I've never given you a reason not to trust me but you always accuse me of doing some fucked up shit. You don't love me like you used to. I can tell by how you kiss me and how you look at me. I hate coming home. Did you know that? I have so much hate for you," Her voice trembled. "and even though the love is stronger, I can't take it anymore."

"Did it ever occur to you that I don't know how to handle this shit?!" He yelled.

"Handle what?" She asked with an attitude.

"You! I never loved anybody how I love you."

"So, you treat me like shit?"

"I don't want to lose you." He finally admitted. "I accuse you of fucked up shit because this shit seem too good for a nigga. I kiss you different cause I want to see if you pay attention. I love you so much that it hurts. Do you not understand that I know you can do better than me and it fucks with me?!"

"Safaree-"

"If you want to leave, I understand. I'll help you pack." He turned to grab the duffle and she stopped him.

"All I ever wanted was the same things that you wanted. Sometimes I don't feel good enough for you but it makes me want to work ten times harder to be the woman you need. I need you to do the same. Do you think you can do that?"









So, I was listening to Here and Now by Luther Vandross when I got this idea. What yall know bout that old school? Lol. Anyway, this will not have a second part. This is really one of the first times when my stuff kind of lacks dialogue. I know some of you like that because its an easier read ( I do too) so I hope this isn't boring. I try to post as often as I can buuuut I'm really busy. Please understand that. Thanks for reading though! :*